Empty Promises
by wingsofseyfert12
Summary: Everytime he looked at her it would remind him of a happiness that he no longer had. The desire to hold on to past joys was overwhelming and soon Reiji finds that he may be thinking of Rin as more than his daughter.


Disclaimer: All rights to the name "Kodomo No Jikan" belong to Kaworu Watashiya and any of her affiliates. I neither own this franchise nor do I profit from the writing of this story.

Author's Note: I really should be paying attention to more pressing projects of mine but after having watched this anime I was compelled to write a little something. This one shot will most likely disturb some of my readers and I will say that I do not condone any of the actions in which I write. Anyway hope you enjoy the story.

* * *

For the majority of my life I have harbored a deep hatred for adults with the greatest of my ire going towards my parents. My father was a drunk who could hardly hold down a job and took out his frustrations on both myself and my mother. The hair on the back of my neck still stand on end when I recall the furious glint in my father's eyes when I said something that would anger him and give him the smallest justification in beating me half to death.

I would desperately beg him to forgive me, apologizing ceaselessly in the small hope that he would stay his hands. Unfortunately he would be deaf to my pleas and was all too happy to remove the belt from his waistline as he proceeded to flog me. Fighting back would only make things worse and so I consigned myself to curling up into a ball and hoped that he would grow bored and leave me alone.

All the while my mother would look on with a conflicted expression on her face. I could see the desire for her to step up and take action, to take responsibility for once and assert her place in the household and stop my father from this madness. Unfortunately her fear was far greater than her love for me and she would do nothing.

At the time I was too young to understand the implications of my mother's actions. I thought her blameless, a victim of circumstance. It wasn't until my third year in middle school that I realized just how much of a coward my mother was.

I begged her to divorce him and leave. We would go through some struggles as we would have to find a way to live and sustain ourselves but I was ready to make that change. I would go to school and work. I would have worked all night if it meant leaving that house to be free from my father's tyranny.

My mother went white in fear of the suggestion and quickly dismissed me. I realized that she did want to move because she was fearful of what her husband would do to her. She would rather be tethered to a man who would constantly belittle and beat her instead of taking the chance in being free from him.

Words could not describe my outrage. I ran to my room heedless of my parents' words as I shut myself in. I damned both my parents hoping that their pathetic lives end. It was obvious that they didn't want me. The feeling was mutual.

When the time came that my parents met their end in a car accident I had received some flak from my relatives for not shedding tears for my parents. A pack a fools the whole lot of them. They labelled me as some sort of delinquent, an ungrateful piece of shit who couldn't be bothered to cry for his parents. I was judged and condemned without any chance to defend myself.

Was this how adults conducted themselves in the real world? That with a mere glance they would know everything about me? That my words meant nothing to them because I was still a "child"? How stupidly arrogant of them to make such assumptions about my character and then claim that they were right by virtue of their age. Just because I wasn't technically an adult didn't mean that I was incapable of reason.

In the end nobody wanted me.

Sure they all gave me smiles and pretended to care about me but when the time came for them to actually be bothered with my existence they suddenly started to shuffle me around. Each person would give some sort of excuse as to why they couldn't house me.

 _We don't have enough room._

 _We're too old._

 _There are no schools where I live._

It was like a warped version of hot potato where I was passed around and as soon as I was on someone's hands they instantly tossed me to someone else. It didn't matter. I couldn't care less who it was that decided to be bothered to keep me.

* * *

Eventually I was convinced to move in with a cousin of mine in the city who had agreed to take me in.

I would never forget when I first moved into her home. It was smaller than what I was used to and yet I felt a sense of peace and comfort that I never experienced before. There Aki Kokonoe welcomed me with a tight hug and a smile on her face.

It was difficult to accept the fact that someone genuinely wanted to care for me and she was so young too. She was twenty two years of age and a single mother. No doubt she probably had a million other problems on her mind and that my being in her home would only exacerbate them. However unlike my other relatives she made no excuses. She simply accepted me as her responsibility and with a smile on her face at that.

Despite this warm welcome I still was withdrawn and kept to myself. My older cousin understood this and gave me my space which I was thankful for. Even so she did everything she could to have me warm up to her. She would make these ridiculous, heart shaped bentos that would get me laughed at by my peers at school. She would insist in sitting me down and brushing my hair and would even go so far as to tidying up my uniform.

Little by little I felt the barrier that I put around myself beginning to crack.

Then, one night, I had a horrible nightmare where I had murdered both of my parents in cold blood. I was so shocked by the dream that I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart beating so rapidly that if felt like it was going to burst through my chest. As I sat up I felt a horrible nausea overcome me as I realized that my parents were gone for good. With that I felt a horrible sense of guilt when I realized that I indirectly ended their lives by damning them.

Soon I felt my sting as tears came to my eyes.

Now don't misunderstand me. I wasn't crying because I missed my dear departed parents. If anything I was outraged that I even felt guilt over their passing considering what they had put me through.

I was crying because I felt sorry for myself.

Why was it that I was stuck with parents that couldn't be bothered with me? If they cared so little about me then why did my mother even bring me into this world? She should have had an abortion, kill me before I even realized that I was alive to begin with. At least then I could be spared the pain, the beatings and the realization that my life was worthless.

I felt a petite finger touch the corner of one of my eyes and wipe the tears from it. Through my blurred vision I could see the small, innocent form of my niece, Rin Kokonoe.

There was a concerned expression on her face and yet she was innocently unaware of how deep my pains really were. All Rin knew was that I was hurting and she was doing everything she could to make me feel better.

I held her close to my chest as I started to sob uncontrollably. Rin did not shirk from me nor did she protest. Instead she stood there and allowed me to weep as I took comfort from her. It was at that moment that Rin became special to me and in the time to come she would become more than my niece.

She would become my daughter.

* * *

From that time forward I soon began to reciprocate my older cousin's affections and soon I had fallen in love with her. She was kind and beautiful and yet could be stronger than tempered steel when she needed to be. Why any man would abandon her was beyond me. If I ever meet the piece of shit that abandoned her in her time of need I would gladly relieve him of a few of his teeth.

I dropped out of school and went straight into the work force.

Thankfully one of my relatives had been able to get me work as an office assistant and I did everything I could to show my appreciation. For the first few months I practically lived at work. This came as a sacrifice as I saw less of Aki and Rin but in the end it worked out. I soon got a permanent position and was finally able to ease Aki's burden.

For a while life was good. Aki reciprocated my love towards her and Rin was completely accepting of me as her father figure. I vowed that I would do everything in my power to protect both Aki and my daughter. We traveled as often as we could and every spare moment that I had was with my family. There was no one else in the entire world that mattered more to me than Aki and Rin.

* * *

It was not long when this wonderful life I had been living shattered into a million pieces.

Aki had been diagnosed with cancer.

What had started out as breast cancer had moved to her lungs. By the time I found out about Aki's condition she was already terminal.

I spent every dime I could in prolonging Aki's life but it proved futile. In the end Aki consigned herself to her fate and requested that she spend her last days at home.

During that time I did everything I could to make Aki's life comfortable. My place of work was accommodating and gave me time off to care for my wife. Every day her condition worsened as her body wasted away before my eyes. Even so she always greeted me with a beautiful smile every morning; the same smile she used when she first welcomed me to her home.

When she did die I felt like something was yanked out of me. There was a sense of numbness, of disbelief and soon the realization hit as I knelt by her body and wept.

As I wept many thoughts came to my head. The most pressing was the overwhelming desire to commit suicide. However I remembered Aki talking to me once, asking me if there were ever a time that she were to leave us that I protect Rin. When I had first made that promise it was easy. I could not imagine Aki being apart from my life and caring for Rin was never a problem.

Now that I was beside her dead body it took everything in power to summon the resolve needed to continue living. I no longer had the comfort of sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I was now responsible for Rin and I would be damned if any of my worthless relatives were to gain custody of her. She was my daughter and my responsibility and I would keep my word to Aki no matter what.

* * *

At first Rin had a hard time coping with the loss of her mother but eventually was able to overcome it by making friends with both Usa Mimi and Kuro Kagami. For that I was grateful towards those two girls and have gladly welcomed them into my home whenever they wished to come.

Eventually Rin started to grow up and as she did I couldn't help but notice just how much she was looked like her mother with every passing year. There was such a stark likeness that I would have to avert my eyes just to prevent myself from breaking down.

For a while things had settled into a peaceful routine.

I would make breakfast and take Rin to school before going to work and be there in the evenings so that I could make her dinner. On the days that I would have to be away I would give her an extra bit of money so that she could get herself something to eat. I was always accommodating of her and encouraged her to invite her friends whenever she wanted if she was alone.

Whenever I came back home after an extended business trip she would always run up to my arms and give me a big hug as she welcomed me home. Having lived unwanted for almost my entire life Rin's genuine joy of seeing me back home never failed to bring a tear to my eye. It was nice being wanted, being loved and appreciated. That Rin was MY daughter and that I was responsible in how she was going to grow up. That she would have her own desires, aspirations and dreams and I would have a hand in it! There was nothing more fascinating then a child and I loved Rin with all my heart.

* * *

I'm not sure when I started to harbor dark thoughts towards Rin. Perhaps it was the product of a damaged psyche, a side effect of my fucked up childhood.

Being a single parent and working I had no time to go out dating women. Most other young men my age would be going around dating women their age and indulging in themselves. It was a sacrifice that I was willing to make. However as time went along those primal urges became harder to ignore.

When it came to indulging myself my thoughts were always on Aki. I would recall the times that we were intimate and that, alone, would suffice. However as time went along and Rin began to grow up I realized that my thoughts were straying more towards her.

I did everything I could to nip this problem in the bud.

Rin was confused the first time I refused to go into the bath with her but I soon told her that after a certain age it was not proper for a male and female to be in the bath together. She did not question me too much and accepted it as such. This staved off the issue for a short while but soon it came back with a vengeance.

As I would prepare to wash our clothes I would hold on to Rin's underwear longer than needed. My eyes would stare at them, mesmerized as I they drew themselves nearer to my face. With a roar of indignation I would toss them into the laundry mat before I did something I would regret.

At night when I would try to go to sleep my dreams would be filled with Rin coming to me, her eyes hypnotizing and erotic. She would graze her finger across my jawbone and then capture me in a deep kiss that would cause me to wake up in a cold sweat and a feeling of arousal so great that it was almost painful.

I hated that I was thinking this about Rin. What kind of piece of shit human being would entertain thoughts of being intimate with a nine year old? Yet everyday it was getting harder for me to ignore her.

* * *

Then, one day, I did the unforgivable.

As I came back from work Rin had run up to me as she normally did. As she hugged me I could see her delicate, heart shaped rear that was so sinfully accentuated by the tight fitting shorts she wore. Without even thinking my hand strayed and placed itself firmly on her buttocks.

There was a soft gasp that came from under me as Rin looked at me with an expression of hesitation and confusion. I quickly shook my head and removed myself from her body as I plastered a smile and asked if she wanted to go to a restaurant to eat. I desperately hoped the ploy would get her attention off of what I did to her a moment ago.

Rin's expression changed to that of excitement and I breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed that she had forgotten what had just happened. To make absolutely sure I even told Rin that we could go wherever she wanted to go which got her even more excited. She gave me another hug before skipping upstairs in joy in so that she could change. Meanwhile I felt disgusted at myself.

How dare I do something so sick? Was I so desperate for female attention that I was now resorting to coping feels out of Rin, a nine year old child? The feeling of anger and disgust that I felt toward myself were so pronounced that I was overcome with a sudden sense of nausea. I told myself that day that that would be the last time I do something that sick again. I had my promise to Aki to fulfill and I would damned if I would break my word to the woman I loved the most.

* * *

Just a week later I found myself with Rin's underwear on my face. She was at Kuro Kagami's house that weekend and I was all alone. As I was washing her clothes I was tempted by the sight of Rin's panties. I fought the urge to hold and caress them.

To smell them...

Yet here they were in my hands, a plain white with a pink ribbon at the waist band. I could not pry my eyes off. They mesmerized me, beckoned me to take them to my nose and inhale deeply. As I turned them over I noticed a small stain in which lay here intimacy and it was then that I lost all sense of control as I plunged my face in.

The smell of her intimacy was still there though it was faint. Disappointed I closed my eyes as I visualized that these panties had been on Rin's most private area not too long ago and I inhaled even deeper. This time I could definitely make out her scent as I pressed the silken cloth closer to my nose desperate to take in more of Rin.

It was then that my eyes snapped wide open as I realized what it was that I was doing and immediately tossed the panties aside. Did I just fucking smell Rin's panties? What the hell was wrong with me? What kind of sick fuck would smell underwear worn by a nine year old? Without any more thought I jammed the rest of Rin's clothing onto the washing machine. I desperately wanted to get this chore over with. As I stood there I told myself that this was a slip up. I haven't had a woman under me in so long that it was bound to happen.

As I kept telling myself these half-baked excuses I promised that this would be the last time that I would do something this perverse towards Rin ever again.

* * *

Now as I'm combing Rin's hair these disturbing urges come back with a vengeance. I pass my hand through her hair relishing in their silken texture. Rin leans back in contentment as I gently massage her scalp. As I do so I can feel myself becoming aroused. My mind is screaming at me to stop but it feels like I have been possessed and I can't stop myself.

My fingers soon descend from her scalp to down her cheek and soon I place my hand beneath her chin. I pull her up and she stares at me with eyes full of innocence and trust. Yet I can't help but be mesmerized by her glistening lips. My heart races as I find myself getting drawn closer and closer until I make contact.

She gasps softly in surprise but she doesn't stop me from kissing her deeply on the lips. I press my tongue forward as she opens her mouth tepidly. I explore every part of Rin's mouth as I take in the entirety of her. Her breath is strong, heady and yet faintly sweet. My head is spinning as I grasp her tightly now as I continue to taste the forbidden ambrosia.

It is then that I hear Rin _moan_.

Suddenly my sense of reason returns with a vengeance and I instantly withdraw myself from Rin. She still sits there, her face flush and eyes glazed over. I'm in a state of panic as I try to think of something that could explain my actions.

"R-Reiji..."

I look down to see Rin with the same expression she had when I had groped her a week ago. There is uncertainty in her eyes but not necessarily fear. Without even thinking I mutter a pathetic apology.

"I'm sorry Rin."

"What are you sorry for Reiji?"

It is Rin's response that really makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world. Here I am taking advantage of my nine year old daughter and she is so innocent that she doesn't even realize that I just molested her a moment ago.

"I-It's nothing Rin."

"Is it because you kissed me?"

"Yes..."

"But you have always kissed me Reiji. It means that you love me, doesn't it?"

I don't know how to respond to Rin. Normally she would be right. I would peck her on the cheek every now and then to show my paternal affection toward her. But this was different. I _made out_ with her! My feelings of shame were made worse by the fact that she didn't understand the implications of what I just did to her.

"I do love you Rin but I shouldn't have kissed you like that. It's...not right."

"You used to kiss mommy like that because you loved her. So if you kiss me like that now that means that you also love me."

Leave it to a child to warp sexual desire into innocent love. Of course I did kiss Aki like that in times of intimacy but now I was struggling to bring across that an adult kissing a child like that was wrong.

"I did love your mother Rin and I did kiss her like that. But that is only for grown-ups. A grown up kissing a child like that way is wrong."

"Says who?"

Once again I'm stumped. How do you explain such a vague, moral topic to a child that is just barely learning how to multiply and divide at school? From the expression on Rin's face I know that she is wanting answers and yet I don't know how to tell her in a way that she can understand.

"Look Rin. It's...just wrong, okay. When you're older you'll understand why a grown up kissing a child the way I did to you is wrong. Hopefully you won't hate me when you realize the truth."

"I could never hate Reiji."

"Thank you...Rin..."

"Will you kiss me like that when I'm older Reiji?"

It's like I can't win. Now I have to deal with the topic of incest. Perhaps this is some deity's way of getting back at me for molesting my daughter the way I have been.

"I...don't know Rin."

"But you just said that only grown-ups who love each other can kiss like that. You'll still love me when I grow up, right Reiji?"

I already know where this conversation is going but still I can't help but answer truthfully.

"Of course Rin."

"Then you'll kiss me like that once I grow up to show that you still love me."

It is now that I realize the repercussions of my actions and never have I hated myself more than I have now. To think that Rin now has this warped version of paternal affection all due to my not being able to keep my hands off of her. It's so fucked up and yet here is Rin, smiling and confident that she has learned something new in the world. It's scary just how impressionable children really are.

"Listen Rin there are many things for you to learn. You may not understand them now but when you're older you will."

Rin the does something that completely shocks me.

Grabbing hold of my tie she drags me forward and kisses me deeply in the lips. My mind is going crazy. I should pull away and stop this. I'm the adult now damn it! I should be more responsible than this!

Yet my resistance is slipping. I can feel her tongue on the entrance of my lips as I gladly open allowing her access. As she kisses me I wrap my arms around her supple waist and pull her forward so I can kiss her more deeply. She moans softly before pulling back with a smile on her face.

"What is there to understand Reiji? If this is how you show your love then I accept it."

"But Rin...you're still a child and-"

"Stop saying that! Just because I'm a child doesn't mean I don't know what I'm feeling."

Unfortunately I know that Rin doesn't truly comprehend what it is she's saying. She may be mature for her age but even so she is still a child and as such I should be the one to take responsibility.

"Enough Rin. What we're doing is wrong and that's that. I still love you but I can't express it to you like this."

Rin's face turns red in anger as she shoves me harshly before running towards the door of the room.

"S-Stupid Reiji!"

She slams the door before running downstairs and slamming the front door as well. I sigh as I realize how fucked up things have become. As I look at myself in the mirror I see a weak man that can't let go of the past and is now harboring dangerous desires for his nine year old daughter. Because of what I have done I have warped Rin's concept of morality. This could have far reaching consequences and the only person I can blame is the man in the mirror.

As I tidy myself up to get ready for work I tell promise myself again that I won't ever touch Rin like that again. I promised Aki that I would protect Rin. I gave her my word.

Yet what good are promises if they are always empty?

* * *

Author's Note: Yes I know this was creepy as hell. Even so I hope I got both Reiji and Rin's characters correct. Let me know what you all think.


End file.
